I’m back! Back with the dope I promised you. Yep, the octogenarian student of the divine game offers his select audience his prized picks to click in the 2016 baseball season.
True, I’m starting to get static about calling it a divine game. Nix on the sales campaign is the feedback. Let me just say that I welcome back the Boys of Summers for another spectacle of chess and ballet performed on a stage of green grass.
Without further ado the final standings for 2016 are:
NATIONAL LEAGUE
WEST CENTRAL EAST
San Francisco Chicago Washington
**Arizona St. Louis *N.Y. Mets
L.A. Dodgers Pittsburgh Miami
Colorado Cincinnati Philadelphia
San Diego Milwaukee Atlanta
AMERICAN LEAGUE
WEST CENTRAL EAST
Texas Kansas City Boston
**Houston *Cleveland Toronto
L.A. Angels Detroit N.Y. Yankees
Seattle Minnesota Baltimore
Oakland Chicago Tampa Bay
*Denotes First Wild Card Team
** Denotes Second Wild Card Team
You can take it to the bank. Or to Las Vegas, if you’re so inclined. Now you’ll no doubt want to know who among these powerhouses of the enchanted diamond will meet in the World Series? And who will be crowned World Champion? Prepare yourself for a shocker. The Chicago Cubs will face the Cleveland Indians in the World Series! And the winner is? I can’t help you there. How do you pick a winner between two habitual losers? Flip a coin.
Oh, didn’t I tell you? End Times have arrived. Make plans accordingly.
By the way, these selections are guaranteed. If they all do not finish in the order predicted, I will provide you picks for next year free of charge! (Provided there is a next year, of course.)
Be sure to reserve the largest U-Haul truck available when you arrive in Vegas to collect your winnings. You’re welcome.