WELCOMING THE RETURN OF MARCH MADNESS
As you may recall, before the plague struck I served you as your Assistant Financial Advisor for Sports Gambling, specializing in basketball, baseball, and thoroughbred horse racing. (As you may also remember, it was an unpaid position, and this year I’m bucking for a raise…if I deliver, of course.)
So here’s the goods! My picks for the 2021 NCAA “March Madness” Hoops Tourney! Exclusive to the readers of this blog! Ready for use in that office pool that you are forced to swim in every spring! Yes, my generosity persists.
Any of you with faulty memories of my past performance and still question my qualifications to advise you in such matters should know that I played baseball (fairly well), basketball (not very well), and once owned pieces (of their behinds, I believe) of three thoroughbred ponies—yclept Wait for the Wind, Tell a Story, and Azure Blues—as a very minor owner in Clover Racing Stables. (I sold my stake early to invest in a uranium mine in Utah that…well…anyway, that’s another story that we need not go into here.)
Know that these picks are official; yes, they have been submitted to the annual CBS contest that draws millions of would-be Cassandras to pit their predictive powers to select the winner of 68 competing college basketball teams for national champion honors. Sure, I know the odds against me winning the CBS swag are maybe 15 quintillion to one. Conceding that, I still feel especially strong about my selections this year, with unbeaten Gonzaga edging a tremendous Illini team in the final game. Sadly, Baylor’s late-season bout with Covid-19 slowed them down some, and Michigan’s recent loss of star forward Isaiah Livers to injury diminishes the Wolverines’ chances. But lucky you—you’ll likely be thrilled by a suspenseful game as you watch the exciting accumulation of your newly acquired wealth!
Be sure to alert your overseas bankers that deposits are on the way. And remember, my standard guarantee is still in force: if you are not satisfied with my soothsaying this time, you are still eligible to receive this same service next year absolutely free!
Good luck, plague survivors!
My predictions:
